The 1st thing I've gotten angry about this year.

You don't realize that the little, obnoxious things you do affect me so much.

You came in my room while I was reading, saying that you were going to leave for his basketball game, and you get off topic talking about things I really don't want to here about. So I simply said "Okay, go on..." and you reply saying "You know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter. See you later."

I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to know when you were coming back, but no, it doesn't matter.

What you don't know is as soon as you left I started to cry. I'm crying as I write this.

I don't get why you always get mad at me for those kinds of things.

What about Jason and Ryan? They say worse things. And what do you do? Nothing. You just go with it like it's okay.

It's always about them. Always.

You won't be home all day because of Jason. First he has a basketball game, then you're both taking him to one with a friend. How come I never have that option? Why am I always the one left home alone?

And Ryan. He was in Quebec this past week, and every day I swear you said "Ryan hasn't let me know how's he doing today." or "I wonder what Ryan's doing right now?" Well, you know, I honestly don't care, because I'm sure he's fine. And I can guarantee you've never done that for me before. I can guarantee it.

The biggest thing that pisses me off is that if YOU did this, I'd be fine. I wouldn't let it bother me. I wouldn't flip out on you. But, oh, if I say the slightest little thing in a calm voice, you get all mad and are all rude. Oh my God. OH my GOD. Nobody understands how much that bothers me. Far too many people are like that. I feel like I need to shoot someone whenever they're like that.

Anyway.

Well, you know what, bitch?

I'm glad I'm home alone.

I don't want to be around you.

I look forward to being alone. I like it. No one bothering me. No one in this freaking family to bug the freaking crap out of me, again, just like every day.

You don't know who I am.

You don't know what I think.

You don't know that I look forward to school because I'm around people who I actually enjoy being with.

I'd rather be with my freaking reading teacher than you.

I'm going back to my "not talking much around my family" stage.

I have a lot of things to say.

But you don't care. And you never will. So why try?

I'm going to go play the piano. I'm going to play "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables and freaking sing my heart out. I am going to get washed away in the music, and even though I can't play the ending, I'm going to try, and my anger will wither away. And I'll move on.

Just like my last post.

Forgive and Forget.

I'm going to make a change.

My first post of the new year.

I want it to be different.

I want to go through it forgiving and forgetting.

I beat myself so hard last year, over the dumbest thing. I'm not going back. I'm not going to regret anything I do this year. When I look back, I'm going to focus on the good things. The moments that made me smile and the people that made me happy. I'm going to look forward, simply because that's where my future is headed.

I want to discover new things this year, too. I don't care what it is. I want to find new hobbies. I'm not quite sure what it will be yet, but my time will come. And when it does, I'm hoping I'll shine. I'm hoping my new interest will make me stand out in the light, even if only to a few people.

I want to continue the optimism. I think it'll improve my attitude, and if I try hard enough, it might altar some others too.

I want to say things that will make people think.

I want to provoke someone's mind.

I've read enough quotes and I've read enough books. I'm sure I can come up with something.

This year, I'm going to have more determination. I'll push myself harder than usual. And if I stay determined, my perseverance will lead me down roads I've always imagined. Things will be better. I'll be proud of myself. It'll boost my self confidence.

So, my New Year's Resolution?

If I do what I say, staying determined and not giving up...

I will read 100 books this year, rather than the 57 I read last year.

A Day To Remember - This Is The House That Doubt Built

I know it's not very interesting at all, but it's the music and lyrics I'm focusing on. Listen to the lyrics. This is where I got the quote for the following post.

"Let's believe that if we all stand together, we're a force that can shake the whole world."

I believe it. I think I always have.

But it'll never happen.

Too many people in the world who don't care, who never will, who watch the world go by and change for them. The ones who never take the first step to progression. Who stay in the same place, drowning in their own misery and depression. The ones who look outside each morning and think, "Fuck, why am I still here."

They don't see the beauty, the possibilities, the happiness.

There are so many things they could do.

Why wouldn't you?

I wake up each day wanting it to happen. I want to see where I take myself. Who I see, who I spend time with, what I think, what I do, how I spend my time, etc. I'm ready for any obstacles that overtake me because I believe in myself to get over it.

I'm anxious to see what songs go through my head and what dreams become of me.

I want to see what each day looks like.

I want each day to come. So many things can happen.

They're missing out. They really are.

Yellowcard - Only One

All Time Low- Painting Flowers.

I freaking love All Time Low.

Christmas Dance.

The feeling just doesn't go away.

It's lasted almost 24 hours now.

Whenever I think about it, the same butterflies flutter in my stomach.

It was my first dance with a boy. I couldn't stop looking at him.

He's just a friend, yet my stomach wouldn't stop flipping, my eyes wouldn't wander away from his face, and I couldn't stop smiling.

The feeling of his warm hands on my waist and my arms around his neck feels so good.

Comforting.

And it doesn't go away.

But why is it that I slow danced with two other friends, yet it wasn't as amazing as the first?

Why didn't I have butterflies with them?

Why was it only the first?

And why, only, do I keep thinking of the dance with him?