A Day To Remember - This Is The House That Doubt Built

I know it's not very interesting at all, but it's the music and lyrics I'm focusing on. Listen to the lyrics. This is where I got the quote for the following post.

"Let's believe that if we all stand together, we're a force that can shake the whole world."

I believe it. I think I always have.

But it'll never happen.

Too many people in the world who don't care, who never will, who watch the world go by and change for them. The ones who never take the first step to progression. Who stay in the same place, drowning in their own misery and depression. The ones who look outside each morning and think, "Fuck, why am I still here."

They don't see the beauty, the possibilities, the happiness.

There are so many things they could do.

Why wouldn't you?

I wake up each day wanting it to happen. I want to see where I take myself. Who I see, who I spend time with, what I think, what I do, how I spend my time, etc. I'm ready for any obstacles that overtake me because I believe in myself to get over it.

I'm anxious to see what songs go through my head and what dreams become of me.

I want to see what each day looks like.

I want each day to come. So many things can happen.

They're missing out. They really are.

Yellowcard - Only One

All Time Low- Painting Flowers.

I freaking love All Time Low.

Christmas Dance.

The feeling just doesn't go away.

It's lasted almost 24 hours now.

Whenever I think about it, the same butterflies flutter in my stomach.

It was my first dance with a boy. I couldn't stop looking at him.

He's just a friend, yet my stomach wouldn't stop flipping, my eyes wouldn't wander away from his face, and I couldn't stop smiling.

The feeling of his warm hands on my waist and my arms around his neck feels so good.

Comforting.

And it doesn't go away.

But why is it that I slow danced with two other friends, yet it wasn't as amazing as the first?

Why didn't I have butterflies with them?

Why was it only the first?

And why, only, do I keep thinking of the dance with him?

I couldn't stop smiling yesterday.

It's like everything made me happy and no matter what, there was a smile on my face.

All because of a preppie.

Yes, a preppie.

I'm not too fond of the preppies, but this one... I think this one's alright.

For now.

In reading, we had to sit boy, girl, boy, girl, etc., and I wasn't expecting anyone to sit by me. At least not anyone who hangs out with the bitches.

Anyways.

He did. And he talked to me. He joked around, messed up my paper (a sign of flirting), let me peer edit his, and acted like we've been friends forever.

He sits by me in math, too, and he's always talking to me. I usually ask him for help on the homework or class assignment... and now he's doing it too. He's usually the only one who knows what goes on in that class.

I'm kind of flattered.

I don't know why, but I like talking to him.

I like how he includes me and doesn't act like he doesn't know me.

Or thinks he's better than me.

And it seems to me he's talking to me more everyday.

Plus we both won "prettiest eyes" for our class superlatives.

I keep finding myself wanting him to talk to me... wanting him to sit by me... wanting him to come to school... waiting and waiting for him to walk in the classroom doors (we're in all the same core classes)... NOT wanting him to go up to the high school in the afternoon....

Way to screw up my feelings all over again.

Keeping the hope alive.

I'm in love with everything in the world right now.

Every person I see.

Every leaf that falls.

Every doorknob I place my hand on.

Just everything.

Today has been great.

Not just because I was with my best friends most of the day, not just because I sat by someone entertaining at church today, but because the 2 people who definitely affected my life in a way came back.

Who cares if it was their aunt's profile on Facebook.

I accepted the friend request this time, and knew it was them, since it was the 2nd time it's happened.

And here's the best part.

They commented on my status.

"Got first place in my 100 butterfly at the swim meet today :)"

"awesome job megan this is from mike and zac"

Ahhhhh. These are the most kind-of words they've kind-of said to me since March.

This day is fantastic.

They say when you put yourself down, or keep thinking you won't be able to do something, then you won't.

They say when you have confidence and have a positive attitude, you'll achieve anything.

Why is it that it always works opposite for me?

I was determined to make it to districts today at the swim meet, and what do you know, I was 4 seconds off.

I thought I was going to die and get last place for my 100 butterfly, and what do you know, I got 1st.

I don't even know how to end this pointless post.

So you always talk about how much you hate them, yet you were with them all night?

I don't care if it was a couple nights ago, it's still bugging the crap out of me. You took freaking pictures with them. You even made those bitches laugh. Now, sure, they probably have a good side.

Heck no. Not the one I'm thinking of.

"Ian, you always talk about how you're against them and that you hate them."

"Well that was before I meant them."

Wow.

What the hell?

Seriously?

At least you haven't really talked to them all that much in the past few days.

Let's keep it that way.

12 texts.

69 posts on Facebook.

1 on here.

Many wishes from my family members.

This birthday was a good one.

It's amazing how the little things excite me so much.

"Megan, come stand here. In front of me."

My heart exploded and everything was perfect. I felt the firework. Best part? I sat by him through the entire movie. Even though it was probably the most boring thing I've ever sat through, just looking at him from the corner of my eye made it okay.

And the fact he comes and sits by me for maybe 3 minutes while he copies down the homework for math just makes such a difference. She'll make this really lame joke, do something rude, or not explain something on purpose so we'll struggle, and our eyes meet and we give each other this look, like "what the hell is she saying?" or "shoot me now" and then we smile, we laugh, and a thousand possibilities run through my head.

Other day in Spanish class, we had a guest speaker come in. He was talking Spanish (obviously) and we had no clue what he was saying. 'Francisco,' as my friends call him (I'll call him Bryce :D), would look at me and give me the same looks that make my heart spark.

It probably isn't really that big of a deal, but it's amazing what these mini-happenings cause me to think.

For now, I'm considering it flirting.

Maybe there's a possibility?

I'll be 14 tomorrow. On Thanksgiving. Yes, I get the biggest meal of the year on the big day. I'm pretty excited.

Bet you know what my wish will be.

Random song quotes.

"I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance than I never did.
You'll always find me right there, again.
...
They've got me on the outside, looking in,
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders,
They just wanna see me fall."

-Have Faith In Me,

A Day To Remember

"Forever's never seemed so long;

As when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.

I could have learned so much from you, but what's left now?

Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain?

Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep. I'll see you in my dreams waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'"

[Talking about his brother who committed suicide...]

-Lullabies

All Time Low

"...my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath,
and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest."

-Jasey Rae

All Time Low

Nothing to write about lately except putting up good lyrics. Yes, there are more; no, I am not in the mood to search for them.

So...excitement in my life? Deathly Hallows midnight show tonight. It will be the best thing ever.

And boys.

What else is new.

Swim team.

I like the feeling of basically killing myself to catch up to the ones who are faster than me. I like the feeling of almost bursting into tears because I just can't make it. I like the feeling of pushing myself harder and harder, tearing away all the stress and madness as I struggle through each stroke, sprinting.... sprinting.... finally getting to the end, a good deed done, the weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel the strength. I feel my pulse. I feel my lungs, ready to explode. I feel the burn, the fire, the heat escaping through my skin, flushing my face with a bright red. I can feel the determination to win. You wouldn't even imagine.

I was simply listening to my ipod on the bus ride home.

But it felt real.

The way my earphones were in, the way they perfectly fit, it felt like the music was surrounding me. I wasn't just listening to it, I was LIVING it.

I could hear everybody talking, but I could hear the music too.

It was the best feeling.

I actually felt like I was living.

The life I want to live is the life with music everywhere.

Fall

I'm really liking this fall season.

I'm really liking school.

I'm really liking everything that's going on right now.

Everybody is getting along... and NONE of my friends are mad at me.

... At least I don't think?

They at least don't make it obvious.

And I love seeing his face almost every day.

And I especially love how he comes up to me and starts talking.

When he walked up the other day, my other friend who likes him walked up behind us and said hi to me. She was so jealous.

I loved it.

In reading, (this is the greatest part of school), we're writing poems about fall. About the season, the colors, the changing leaves, the weather, anything.

It's amazing.

So I'm not the greatest poet, but it feels so good to be doing something I like in school. We aren't reading boring stories that nobody likes, we aren't writing a thousand word essay about something nobody cares about, we're writing poetry that can mean anything and everything to you, and nobody has to know.

I love it.

I'll get my poems up here eventually. I've been pretty busy what with swim team, dance, homework, etc.

Although some of those things kill me (cough, cough, swim team), everything is still falling into place.

Those _______ _______ need to go ____ a _____ ____.

Fill in the blank?

I'll do it for you.

Those fucking bitches need to go suck a giant dick.

Seriously.

Wtf?

That one girl, the nicest one of you all, says how she LIKES us. She thinks we're NICE. (unlike you.)

And you start talking shit about us?

Go die in a hole.

We wore the same shirt, what, once?

How the hell is that "weird"? Or "gay"?

I can guarantee you've done that before. So talk crap about us?

I absolutely hate all of you bitches and whores. Seriously. Go. Die.

Nobody likes you.

So just to make you "not accept" us anymore, we're going to wear the same shirt, again, tomorrow.

Just for you, bitches.

I hope your clique is against us nerds.

Because, honestly, we'll never give a crap.

More inspiration.

I was looking out the window and I saw a man.

Middle aged, on the field.

I was in Family and Consumer Science (boring) so my eyes just sort of wandered off out the window. And I saw this man.

And I already love him, if he was doing what I thought.

He was just walking around the field. Alone.

I hope he was there to think. Not to do something he was forced, but to just be there because he needed a place to think.

The entire time I was watching him, I just knew that'd be me... so many years from now.

Walking around.

Thinking.

Clearing my head.

That man has inspired me.

If only he knew.

Then, during advisory today, my teacher gave us all a paper and we were to write down where we see ourselves once we graduate.

What we want to do in the future.

We could share, but I didn't. But I listened to what other people had to say.

Some wanted to be doctors.

The preppies wanted to become doctors.

I kept my thoughts to myself, but I have a feeling it won't happen. The way they're acting now, I can't see them changing. Maturing. Becoming something that major.

But it's their goals, so I'm not going to assume anything.

There's something about thinking about the future that gives me goosebumps every time.

I'm still wondering why.

NO HOMEWORK.

Which means I finally have time to write.

Finally have time to write poetry.

To write down everything I've been thinking.

YES.

....And for some reason, I wish I had stayed unconscious longer.

Music.

Okay, I couldn't figure out how to save a video and post it on here, but this song is worth looking up.

Go by Boys Like Girls.

I love them.

This song actually means something.

Just listen to it.

Same with Prodigal by OneRepublic.

These are two of my many favorite songs.

Dance

Ah. Dance has started. I'm so glad.

Now I have something to look forward to every Wednesday.

More of our "Weekly Wednesday Meetings."

It'll be a heck of a lot better than coming home to Math homework.

Every. Freaking. Night.

Well, isn't this just a bundle of freaking joy.

I'm sick of reality.

I'm sick of people.

I'm sick of my family.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

The only reason I would have wanted to get up in the morning was to go to the cross country meet in the afternoon.

But, no, that can't happen anymore.

Because the freaking coach had to freaking cancel it.

One of the last chances I had to see him before he left, and the fucking coach had to postpone it.

Wtf?

There was no reason. No. Reason. Whatsoever.

I don't want to wake up tomorrow in this house, or in this town, or in this state.

I want to go away.

I want to see new people. Meet new people.

I don't know.

I'm sick of this place and the mood I'm in.

I'm sick of my world where I think "hell" is a great way to describe it.

At least at this moment.

I've a smile on my face.

A positive attitude attempting to remain.

And a heart that just keeps sinking.

Most of my friends are aware.

The large majority absolutely doesn't care.

The saying "Friends are always there to get you through the tough times...."

Yeah, I'm beginning to think that's not true.

It's reasons like these why I hate humanity so damn much.

Highlight of my week.

Spanish.

Me. Diagonally in front of him.

Laughter.

Spanish name calling.

Groups.

4 people.

Me. Nathan. Dj. Matt.

ME. NATHAN. Dj. Matt.

NATHAN. ME. Dj. Matt.

.... I think you get the point.

Ah. Today was unexceptionally great.
Does my reason include boys?
Well, why wouldn't it?
Man. I'm so glad we're in that group together.

The beginning of the day... I should've felt better. But no, I had to keep thinking about them moving away. It didn't help that people kept reminding me, and that my ex was wondering what I thought about them leaving.
But everything turned out okay, because I was assigned to his group and I was talking to my old teachers.
My FAVORITE teachers.
And they just make me happy.
Plus I have a great weekend to look forward to, so it's alright to say life is good.

Goodbye. For real.

And.... it's official.

Michael and Zach are moving to Maryland.

I don't think it'll be too hard to say goodbye since I haven't seen them very regularly, but I'll still cry. Well, maybe tear up, but yeah.

I'll definitely miss you guys.

I really do believe you somehow changed my life.

SCHOOL!

FINALLY.

My days aren't so boring.

I love school. And I already like my teachers and classes this year.

I know it's going to be hard, being in Spanish with a strict teacher and Algebra 1 Honors, but I'll live. Because I want to be something different. I won't care if people make fun of me for getting the highest grades. They're obviously jealous, so why should I care? I won't. I need a challenge.

And I love seeing everyone again. I already can tell I'm coming closer to a couple people I was hoping to this year, so I'm really excited for that. I just wish one of them wasn't going to the high school every afternoon, and wasn't leaving every Thursday.

But I have others, so I'll be fine.

And I love seeing all my little 6th grade friends. So weird. Knowing that I'm the "King of the School."

It seems like I was just in 6th grade.

BATTLE OF THE BOOKS.

It needs to start. SOON.

It will be the freaking bomb.

The Book Assassins will dominate.

. . . Probably not, but I guarantee we have more fun than any other team.

That's all I care about.

Ah. . . I can tell this year will be different. It will be better.

I cannotfreakingwait.

Wow. Nothing exciting happens in this county.

I wish I had money.

You wouldn't believe how expensive it is to buy all the songs I want on Itunes.

AHGHABAHABA.

I want new music.

Yes, I have fallen in love with, yet, another band.

Breaking Apart.

We obviously won't last forever.

I'm guessing that The Pack will go their separate ways in high school.

After last night, it was a lot of fun, but I'm starting to get irritated with the people I thought I'd be friends with for a while.

My guess is that Helen and I will stay together and Hot Tomolly and Georgina will stay together.

Rita?

It's hard to tell anything with him.

But, for now, I'll enjoy being with them, because I always have the time of my life.

I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Haircut today......

I'm thinking I'll get something I didn't want a week ago.

Surprise people? Probably not.

They'll all care less.

I'll do it for me.

Because maybe I just need to be someone else, since it seems the current me's life is all messed up, and it will get more so when they leave.

New year.

Let's make this a better one.

Me.

I'm happy,

Sad,

Extremely mad,

For reasons that are unclear.

I want,

I need,

I cry,

I bleed

Just because I'm not ready.

I love,

I laugh,

I hate,

I scream

But still try to make the best of things.

I hope,

I dream,

Smile, and believe

For one reason: I'm only me.

I wrote this at 12:30 am. Give me SOME credit.

Lyrics.

This is ALSO what I did last night, aside from just writing down Boys Like Girls lyrics. I just wrote down lyrics that inspire me.

I dare you to move. I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. Of all the things I still remember, summer's never been the same. Years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain. In the middle of September, we still play out in the rain. Nothin' to lose but everything to gain. Reflecting now on how things could've been, it was worth it in the end. If I could find you now, things would get better. We could leave this town and run forever. I know someway, somehow, we'll be together. Let your waves crash down on me and take me away. We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves. Somewhere we live inside... somewhere we live inside. We do it in the dark, with smiles on our faces. We're dropped and well concealed in secret places. We don't fight fair. Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died, and made you king of anything? There's something 'bout love that breaks your heart. Sets you free. Something 'bout love that tears you up. Still believe. When the world falls down like rain, it'll bring you to your knees. This time, don't need another perfect lie. Don't care if critics never jump in line, I'm gonna give all my secrets away. Tonight, I've got you where I want you. Closer, I can tell you anything. You're the song that I sing. Tonight, let the music take us over. We'll fall into forever, all was right. 'Cause I've got you where I want you tonight.

The different colors represent different songs.

Sorry if the lyrics aren't exactly correct.

These words create my life.

Boys Like Girls lyrics.

These are not all in one song, I listened to the entire album and wrote down certain lines I liked.

We are finally free tonight. Tonight will change our lives, it's so good to be by your side. We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs and we'll feel so alive. You know you wanna just let go. Turn it up, it's five minutes to midnight. We'll make the clock stop, make your heart drop. We can make time stand still. You caught me off guard. Now I'm running and screaming. I feel like a hero, and you are my heroine. Do you know your love is sweetest thing? And I'm feeling like a newborn child every time I get the chance to see you smile. Let's spend tonight on top of the world. We can do anything, we can be anything. As real as she seems, you're only in my dreams. I have to find a way to show you I care. My heart is empty without you. Close your eyes, and I'll be by your side. I try to read between the lines. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder. And I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors. I don't wanna ever love another. You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain. Oh, baby, bring on the pain. And listen to the thunder. I can't deny your eyes, you know I try to read between the lines. I saw a warning sign, and then you threw me up against the wall. Who said that it's better to have loved and lost? I wish that I had never loved at all. Do you want to lose it all? Do you want to learn to fly? You can't wait to fall in love. Show him what you're made of. I' m learning to fall. I can hardly breathe. It should've been me. Today is the day, the worst day of my life. You mean everything to me. Burning bridges, making wishes. I want to scream until no sound comes out and you learn your lesson. I need to start to be myself 'cause I'm sick of everybody else. I won't let you bring me down. I will learn to love again. I think I'm everything you hate. Take a shot, baby, show my everything that you've got. Before I run far away, I need to take a holiday. Maybe it's a fall from grace. I gotta find a new place on holiday. I'll set off on a new chase. I gotta see a new face. I need to take a holiday. I don't think I'll ever change. I think I'm gonna stay the same.

It doesn't really make sense, putting it all together, but it felt so good writing all of this down.

Boys Like Girls.

So, last night, I was probably in my room for at least an hour writing down random lyrics to Boys Like Girls songs. I listened to their entire album, "Boys Like Girls."

I loved it. It was probably the most meaningful things I've done to myself for a while.

I don't care if all their songs deal with drugs.

I love them, and they DO mean something.

I'll put what I wrote down later.

I'm going to try this new thing where I don't talk about people behind their backs. Or I won't say "I hate (insert name here)." Or, I will, but just not in a rude way.

Because there's good in everyone.

There is always SOMETHING to be... grateful about?

We'll see how this goes.

SOOOOOO

The Last Song came out on DVD today, and I am super excited to see it.

It's my favorite book, and I almost saw it in theaters, but what do you know.

It's Warren. Movies don't stay in the theaters.

So, I've been waiting for this day for the past 4 months. It's killed me.

Now you know why I'm excited.

It's also nice that I'm seeing it with The Pack.

It'll be amazing.

Even though we'll be bawling in each others' arms.

More thoughts.

I've been thinking. Here are ways to describe me.

-Reading addict.

-Poet.

-Singer. (when I'm alone.)

-Nerd. (I've got the brains, and have been told this many times.)

-Grammar freak.

I'm not saying I don't like the way I am.

Lately, I haven't been able to speak my opinion.

My thoughts are bundled up inside me, and the only way I can let them get by is by writing them down. I wish I had the courage to speak up; the courage to voice my opinion.

I wish I could scream out everything I love, everything I need, everything that matters, everything that bothers me.

With people agreeing with me, supporting my ideas. Supporting my opinions.

I am me, whether I like it or not. I love the way I am.

Do others?

That question sometimes haunts me. I feel unwanted, I feel unimportant.

I know I shouldn't, but regardless of what people tell me, those thoughts still race through my mind.

In a way, I hate it.

Yet, I like how I think differently from everyone else.

Sometimes, though, I wish people thought the same. I wonder if they look at things the way I do. I wonder if they look at things in a positive way.

Or do they think of the rudest thing possible and insult the object or person in their minds?

It's none of my business, how people think, but I often question it.

And hope that they see the world positively.

"So many things become beautiful when you really look."

Let It Pour.

On this rainy day

I just want to be with you.

The drops are falling

Few by few.

You know my one wish

Of kissing in the rain,

So take my hand and come with me,

As long as I'm with you, I feel no pain.

We're all alone

In the middle of the street.

Your eyes locked on mine,

The world feeling complete.

And then you lean towards me,

Kiss me on the cheek.

It's absolutely impossible to get over

Your stunning, perfect physique.

And that's when I realize

There is no one as perfect as you.

It feels as if I'll stay with you forever,

Just like morning grass with its' dew.

We're twirling now

In this beautiful universe.

I can't imagine being happier

And my heart's singing one more verse...

Stay with me now,

My handsome sweetheart.

I will never let you go.

Nothing you do can keep us apart.

So, just know this now,

Before my mind gets too swirled,

That I love you more than anything else,

And that every moment we spend together brightens my world.

Sunset Moderation.

I'm looking at the water

Astonished that I'm there.

The sun's in my eyes,

The wind in my hair.

This sunset tonight

Makes me want to sing.

I want to dance away,

I need to spread my wings.

It finally feels right

To let the world know.

I believe I can make it

On my own.

Poetry.

I'm attempting to write poems...

The Fair.

The bright lights, that one late night.
Going on all the rides, finally feeling alive.
We laughed until we cried
We screamed like someone died.
Never wanting it to end, just being with my friends...
It's days like these that should last forever.

Let's Go.

Come on, come on.

Walk with me. Talk with me.

Let's run around the world. Let's do it 'til we hurl.

I want to hear your thoughts, I want to know your feelings.

I don't care what you say, I just want you to stay.

I need somebody. I don't care if you're a nobody.

Just come on this journey.

We'll do it together... together, forever.

Inspire Me.

I'm tired of sitting.

I'm tired of waiting.

There's so much to do, there's so much hating.

We need to get along.

We need to be strong.

Maybe a group of us can prove them all wrong.

Why do we fight for love?

Why don't we have hope?

This world is coming to an end.

It just needs to stop.

Get off your lazy ass

This moment- we will NOT let pass.

Inspire me, inspire yourself.

You don't know what the future will bring.

Wishing for Love.

We built so much up

And right in front of us, it falls.

We were so happy

All I want to do is bawl.

It's over, it's done.

In a way I'm glad.

I don't care about you,

I want what we had.

Two young lovers, not a care in the world

Does everyone love that way?

Do they always want a hug?

Is their love your drug?

I wish for that day.

The day my dream comes alive.

Love rebounding around us,

Blowing us away.

Knowing that you're there.

And there to stay.