May 22, 2010

From what I've learned, things get worse before they get better. In times like these, I'm hoping it's still true.
From my perspective, when you look at the world negatively, negative is what you get. All these rainy days? Depressing.
Reminding me of the greatest memories, making me realize they won't happen again.
For a while, at least. They'll just never be the same.
He's obviously not listening.
He obviously doesn't care.
So why even try?
Apparently, friendship it too difficult for him. Conversations take too much energy. Listening to better solutions take too much focus.
So why does it matter?
Because he acts like it isn't happening.
Acts like it doesn't bother him, or me.
They've tried.
They've tried to toughen him up, tried to make him listen. But he just doesn't.
"The less you talk, the more you get listened to."
Maybe if they stop talking to him, stop provoking him, maybe he'll consider talking. Maybe he'll consider us being friends.
I just don't know what to do. I'm clueless. Again.
There has to be a solution out there somewhere, but I'm getting to the point where I need to stop believing there is a happy ending.
This is reality.
This isn't a book, this isn't a movie.
This is reality.
One person can't make everyone happy.
But maybe that one person can step out, break this prison cell she feels she's in, and stand for what she believes in. Maybe it's time I raise my voice and state my opinion. I can't make other people fix my problems for me. I need to do this.
But I can't.
I'm too weak. I don't have the courage to go up to him and tell him what's right. To tell him he needs to grow up. To tell him that all this crap he's been putting me through is making me fall in love all over again. Falling in love with the same jerk, the same sweetheart, as before.
But would that make a difference?
Would I really get him back?
If he can't listen to his friends, why the hell would he listen to me?
He wouldn't. Or would he?
I'll never know.
Sigh.
So, I sit here, waiting for someone.
Waiting for someone to come into my life, to make me realize why it never worked out with anybody else.
I imagine. I dream. I wish.
Every star in the sky, every time 11:11 hits the clock, I wish.
I don't know if someone's out there, I don't know if my time will ever come.
All I need to do is believe.
Believe that there's still fate within me.
Believe that I'll be happy again sometime soon.
Believe that there's someone out there.
Believe that I have a destiny.
Believe that I will overcome this misery.
If it's not happy, it's not the end.
Maybe there's hope.